WHAT IS..
Some time ago, I sent a SMS out to ask some of my friends about what they thought having an adequately good self-esteem is... Their replies were as follows:
- To be able to compare to others and still take it in their stride
- To be positive 98% of the time if possible everyday would be a good start of having good self-esteem
- One can have a high but fragile self-esteem or low but stable self-esteem.
- People derive their level of self-worth by virtue, support of family, god's love, academic competence, physical attractiveness and gaining approval from others.
- Being able to accept criticisms and not having to prove one's greatness.
- Irrelevant...Cos' it depends how much can you sacrifice when it comes to keeping your ego
- Well..sufficient to function in society at a level desired by the person.
- When you don't give a damn about self-esteem. That's a good level right there..Hahaha!
- Erm...adequate self-esteem would be maybe 33 percent?
All right answers...no wrong answers... Self-esteem is truly something that makes you feel comfortable wherever you are. This thing you build up ever since you are born. So what is this thing we are supposed to have been building up that constitutes self-esteem. I think we are constantly building up our opinion of ourselves. So a high self esteem is a good opinion of yourself and a low self esteem is a bad opinion of yourself.
How it forms…
According to the developmental psychologist and psychoanalyst, Erik Erikson, we all have tasks that we had or have to perform in our lives. When we were infants, our tasks were to learn how we can trust people around us. Soon after, we strove to perform activities independently and with each successful activity we performed independently, we gained a sense of pride and mastery.
Perhaps what would follow is, if we were not allowed to make little choices of our own or do certain things by ourselves, we might not have gained a deep-seated sense of self-achievement and self-confidence by the time we reached school-going age.
Truly, if parents did not allow their children to explore and learn without understanding that it is ‘ok’ to fail and try again, their children might end up feeling a great sense of guilt each time they fail and in many instances, they grow to perceive that they can only feel good about them if they succeed almost immediately. Parents are only setting their child up to fail in life because the reality is we do fail at times. In fact, some successful people failed many times before they succeeded.
When I become a parent…
I think that if and when I become a parent, I will give my child the permission to fail a hundred times and teach my child that it is ‘ok’ to fail but not ‘ok’ to stop trying. I will teach my child that he or she is no less a person just because he or she failed. I think permission to do and acceptance is one of the things that many are not given when they are young and even when they are older. I feel it is failure on the part of the parent to not give the child permission to do because it severely robs the child of experiencing life in its fullness. Of course, it then becomes even more challenging for parents because then amongst all their other duties, they will have to manage the desperate situations their children might land themselves in, but is it not true that parenting is and always will be challenging no matter what you subtract from it?
Let the lives of these people speak…
(I chose some of these from: http://www.des.emory.edu/mfp/efficacynotgiveup.html)
- Thomas Edison's teachers said he was "too stupid to learn anything." He was fired from his first two jobs for being "non-productive." As an inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. When a reporter asked, "How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?" Edison replied, "I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps."
- Henry Ford failed and went broke five times before he succeeded.
- Michael Jordan and Bob Cousy were each cut from their high school basketball teams. Jordan once observed, "I've failed over and over again in my life. That is why I succeed."
- Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor because "he lacked imagination and had no good ideas." He went bankrupt several times before he built Disneyland. In fact, the proposed park was rejected by the city of Anaheim on the grounds that it would only attract riffraff.
AND THIS IS MY FAVOURITE ONE:
- Winston Churchill failed sixth grade. He was subsequently defeated in every election for public office until he became Prime Minister at the age of 62. He later wrote, "Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never, Never, Never, Never give up." (his capitals, mind you)
Can we still cultivate our self-esteem?
Yes of course we can…
I think we all should:
- Recoginse and accept ourselves for who we are – this is an uphill task because so many people are ready to give people negative feedback. I have learned that there are only so many things that we can control and then some things that we cannot control or change, we should just quit trying to control. I also remind myself PERPETUALLY that some tongues will always wag but most of these tongues don’t will you well so just don’t give a damn…it’s too much time wasted thinking about it and they’re probably not that important to waste your energy on them.
- Set practical goals for yourself and work hard at them. Be it in the area of your work, family life or even time you set aside to just relax and hand loose, you can set goals and when you manage to attain those goals, you tend to feel a sense of accomplishment.
- Respect and practise latitude for individual action within the defined limits of the environment. Use your creativity, ingenuity, and imagination in your work or even in your other areas of life for it is said that restrictions that suppress individuality can lead to a narrow focus, with people becoming stunted in the use of their personal skills, abilities, and resources.
- Allow yourself to bond with other individuals freely and as you like it and find relationships that enable you to grow and be yourself.
Good luck!! :)
Some time ago, I sent a SMS out to ask some of my friends about what they thought having an adequately good self-esteem is... Their replies were as follows:
- To be able to compare to others and still take it in their stride
- To be positive 98% of the time if possible everyday would be a good start of having good self-esteem
- One can have a high but fragile self-esteem or low but stable self-esteem.
- People derive their level of self-worth by virtue, support of family, god's love, academic competence, physical attractiveness and gaining approval from others.
- Being able to accept criticisms and not having to prove one's greatness.
- Irrelevant...Cos' it depends how much can you sacrifice when it comes to keeping your ego
- Well..sufficient to function in society at a level desired by the person.
- When you don't give a damn about self-esteem. That's a good level right there..Hahaha!
- Erm...adequate self-esteem would be maybe 33 percent?
All right answers...no wrong answers... Self-esteem is truly something that makes you feel comfortable wherever you are. This thing you build up ever since you are born. So what is this thing we are supposed to have been building up that constitutes self-esteem. I think we are constantly building up our opinion of ourselves. So a high self esteem is a good opinion of yourself and a low self esteem is a bad opinion of yourself.
How it forms…
According to the developmental psychologist and psychoanalyst, Erik Erikson, we all have tasks that we had or have to perform in our lives. When we were infants, our tasks were to learn how we can trust people around us. Soon after, we strove to perform activities independently and with each successful activity we performed independently, we gained a sense of pride and mastery.
Perhaps what would follow is, if we were not allowed to make little choices of our own or do certain things by ourselves, we might not have gained a deep-seated sense of self-achievement and self-confidence by the time we reached school-going age.
Truly, if parents did not allow their children to explore and learn without understanding that it is ‘ok’ to fail and try again, their children might end up feeling a great sense of guilt each time they fail and in many instances, they grow to perceive that they can only feel good about them if they succeed almost immediately. Parents are only setting their child up to fail in life because the reality is we do fail at times. In fact, some successful people failed many times before they succeeded.
When I become a parent…
I think that if and when I become a parent, I will give my child the permission to fail a hundred times and teach my child that it is ‘ok’ to fail but not ‘ok’ to stop trying. I will teach my child that he or she is no less a person just because he or she failed. I think permission to do and acceptance is one of the things that many are not given when they are young and even when they are older. I feel it is failure on the part of the parent to not give the child permission to do because it severely robs the child of experiencing life in its fullness. Of course, it then becomes even more challenging for parents because then amongst all their other duties, they will have to manage the desperate situations their children might land themselves in, but is it not true that parenting is and always will be challenging no matter what you subtract from it?
Let the lives of these people speak…
(I chose some of these from: http://www.des.emory.edu/mfp/efficacynotgiveup.html)
- Thomas Edison's teachers said he was "too stupid to learn anything." He was fired from his first two jobs for being "non-productive." As an inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. When a reporter asked, "How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?" Edison replied, "I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps."
- Henry Ford failed and went broke five times before he succeeded.
- Michael Jordan and Bob Cousy were each cut from their high school basketball teams. Jordan once observed, "I've failed over and over again in my life. That is why I succeed."
- Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor because "he lacked imagination and had no good ideas." He went bankrupt several times before he built Disneyland. In fact, the proposed park was rejected by the city of Anaheim on the grounds that it would only attract riffraff.
AND THIS IS MY FAVOURITE ONE:
- Winston Churchill failed sixth grade. He was subsequently defeated in every election for public office until he became Prime Minister at the age of 62. He later wrote, "Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never, Never, Never, Never give up." (his capitals, mind you)
Can we still cultivate our self-esteem?
Yes of course we can…
I think we all should:
- Recoginse and accept ourselves for who we are – this is an uphill task because so many people are ready to give people negative feedback. I have learned that there are only so many things that we can control and then some things that we cannot control or change, we should just quit trying to control. I also remind myself PERPETUALLY that some tongues will always wag but most of these tongues don’t will you well so just don’t give a damn…it’s too much time wasted thinking about it and they’re probably not that important to waste your energy on them.
- Set practical goals for yourself and work hard at them. Be it in the area of your work, family life or even time you set aside to just relax and hand loose, you can set goals and when you manage to attain those goals, you tend to feel a sense of accomplishment.
- Respect and practise latitude for individual action within the defined limits of the environment. Use your creativity, ingenuity, and imagination in your work or even in your other areas of life for it is said that restrictions that suppress individuality can lead to a narrow focus, with people becoming stunted in the use of their personal skills, abilities, and resources.
- Allow yourself to bond with other individuals freely and as you like it and find relationships that enable you to grow and be yourself.
Good luck!! :)
